Paul’s famous words about becoming a man appear in a chapter about love.
That matters.
He was not simply explaining the difference between children and adults. He had spent the chapter describing how love behaves. Then he spoke about putting away childish things.
1 Corinthians 13 (KJ2000)
4 Love suffers long, and is kind; love envies not; love vaunts not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Does not behave itself rudely, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, keeps no record of evil;
6 Rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
7 Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Then Paul writes:
1 Corinthians 13 (KJ2000)
11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
Paul identifies three areas in which maturity should become visible.
How you speak.
How you understand.
How you think.
For a leader, all three must increasingly come under the control of love.
Speak Like Someone Who Walks in Love
Children often say what they feel.
“I don’t like him.”
“That’s not fair.”
“I want it now.”
“She started it.”
There is usually very little distance between the emotion and the words.
That may be normal for a child. It is dangerous for a leader.
Love changes how you speak.
You may be angry and still choose your words carefully.
You may be disappointed and still refuse to humiliate someone.
You may have every right to correct someone and still choose to do it privately.
You may know something is true and still ask whether saying it now will help anybody.
Love “does not behave itself rudely”.
A mature leader therefore does not measure his speech merely by whether it is true.
He also asks whether it is loving.
Some leaders boast that they “say it as it is”.
That is not necessarily maturity.
A five-year-old also says exactly what he thinks.
Maturity is being able to say something and deciding whether you should.
Understand People Through Love
Paul also says, “I understood as a child.”
Children can interpret almost everything through themselves.
Daddy said no; therefore, Daddy is wicked.
Another child received something, therefore somebody has cheated me.
A teacher corrected me, therefore she does not like me.
Someone did not invite me, therefore they deliberately excluded me.
Adults can behave the same way.
A member of your team questions your decision. You conclude that he is rebellious.
Your boss rejects your proposal. You conclude that she does not respect you.
Someone else gets the opportunity you wanted. You conclude that somebody is working against you.
A colleague does not praise your work. You conclude that he is jealous.
Love gives you another way to understand people.
Paul says love “keeps no record of evil”. It “believes all things” and “hopes all things”.
That does not mean a leader should be gullible.
It means you should not automatically choose the worst possible explanation for another person’s behaviour.
That is childish understanding.
Mature leaders learn to distinguish between what happened and the story they have told themselves about why it happened.
Someone disagreed with you.
That is what happened.
“They don’t respect me” is an interpretation.
Someone did not return your call.
That is what happened.
“They are deliberately ignoring me” is an interpretation.
Love makes room for another explanation.
A leader who constantly assigns bad motives to people will eventually create enemies who never knew they were enemies.
Think Beyond Yourself
Paul also says, “I thought as a child.”
Children naturally think first about themselves.
What do I want?
What do I like?
What do I get?
What will make me happy?
Paul gives us a very different description of love.
Love “seeks not her own”.
That is a demanding standard for leadership.
A childish leader thinks mainly about how a decision affects him.
Will this make me look good?
Will I get the credit?
Will I keep my position?
Will people recognise that this was my idea?
Will I get what I want?
A mature leader thinks beyond himself.
What is good for the people I lead?
What is good for the organisation?
What will this decision do to the weakest person affected by it?
What precedent am I creating?
What happens after I get what I want?
The ability to think beyond yourself is one of the clearest signs of maturity.
The child sees the sweet.
The parent sees what happens after the sweet.
The child sees the money.
The adult sees the bills.
The childish leader sees the opportunity.
The mature leader sees the responsibilities that come with it.
Love Changes Your Reaction to Provocation
Paul says love “is not easily provoked”.
Leadership will give you many opportunities to be provoked.
People will misunderstand you.
Some will disagree with you.
Others will disappoint you.
Somebody will speak to you in a way you do not like.
Someone will fail after you gave him an opportunity.
Someone you helped may even turn against you.
The childish response is immediate.
Respond.
Fight back.
Send the message.
Call the meeting.
Remove the person.
Prove the point.
The mature leader can feel the same emotion and refuse to let it drive the decision.
This does not mean mature leaders never confront people.
Love is not weakness.
Paul himself confronted people.
Jesus rebuked people.
But mature leadership does not allow irritation to decide when, how and why confrontation happens.
There is a difference between correcting someone because they need correction and correcting them because you need relief from your anger.
A mature leader learns the difference.
Love Does Not Mean You Ignore the Truth
Paul says love “rejoices in the truth”.
This is important.
Walking in love does not mean pretending that everybody is right.
It does not mean avoiding difficult conversations.
It does not mean tolerating incompetence.
It does not mean refusing to discipline someone who is damaging the organisation.
A leader who never confronts wrongdoing is not necessarily loving.
Sometimes love requires a difficult conversation.
Sometimes love requires saying no.
Sometimes love requires removing someone from a responsibility he can no longer handle.
The difference is motive.
Childish leadership asks, “How do I punish this person for what he has done to me?”
Mature leadership asks, “What response is right, truthful and helpful?”
Putting Away Childish Things Is Deliberate
Paul does not say that childish things disappeared.
He says:
“I put away childish things.”
That sounds deliberate.
Some things will not disappear merely because you become older.
You must put them away.
You may have to put away the need to have the last word.
You may have to put away the need to prove that you were right.
You may have to put away the habit of assuming the worst about people.
You may have to put away the desire to embarrass someone who embarrassed you.
You may have to put away the need to win every argument.
You may have to put away the habit of making decisions while angry.
You may have to put away the instinct to ask first, “What is in this for me?”
Growing older happens automatically.
Growing up does not.
The Bible Shows Us What Mature Leadership Looks Like
God teaches us leadership throughout the Bible, but much of that teaching comes by example rather than by precept.
We watch people speak.
We watch them misunderstand others.
We watch them react in anger.
We watch them put themselves first.
Then we see what those decisions produce.
1 Corinthians 10 (KJ2000)
11 Now all these things happened unto them for examples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the ages are come.
God preserved their successes and failures so that we could learn from them.
Romans 15 (KJ2000)
4 For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.
This is one reason the Bible is such a rich leadership textbook.
It does not merely tell us what leaders should do.
It lets us watch leaders behave.
Then it lets us see the consequences.
Maturity Looks Like Love
A leader can become more experienced without becoming more mature.
He can become more powerful without becoming more mature.
He can become more knowledgeable without becoming more mature.
He can even become more successful without becoming more mature.
Paul gives us a harder test.
Does love increasingly govern the way you speak?
Does love increasingly govern the way you interpret other people’s actions?
Does love increasingly govern the way you think about your decisions?
You may know more than you knew ten years ago.
You may manage more people.
You may control more money.
You may occupy a bigger office.
But the question remains.
Have you put away childish things?
Because in Paul’s argument, maturity is not merely becoming cleverer.
It is becoming more capable of walking in love.
Continue in grace!